Hey, friend -
I am writing this because I know someone needs to hear it. Maybe YOU need to hear it.
This love… It has not been easy.
There have been many seasons where it has been very hard.
Last week, we were in Maui to celebrate the 20th anniversary of some of our favorite friends… (More on that later - it was an amazing celebration and has impacted my heart and healing.)
This morning, I am sitting in a place of gratitude…
I am thankful that we have both forgiven (many times) by allowing the Lord to work in us and forgive through us…
I am thankful that we have had healthy spiritual covering, who became the net that caught us when we were falling face-first into the valleys…
I am thankful that we have had friends who were bold enough to hold us accountable and call us out and call us up to the next level in our relationship…
I am thankful for the brokenness that led to surrender… And thankful for the surrender that led me to find my sufficiency and provision and fulfillment and security in Christ alone so that I could come to this marriage WHOLE.
I am thankful that I have begun to learn to pray, “Lord, love him through me, as me.”
I am thankful for the hurt that led me to realize a deep desire to be healed… The wounds that uncovered the scars from many, many years before…
I am thankful for the hard times that led me to give up my former winning formulas of people-pleasing and hiding and numbing feelings, and being emotionally and mentally hypervigilant in every environment - constantly trying to figure out what was expected of me for everyone else to be happy. And NOW I can begin showing up as me… how He created me to be.
Marriage is really about sanctification; about becoming more like Jesus.
We are still working, growing, surrendering, and being more refined… BUT my soul rests easier now. My soul (my mind, will, and emotions) can “be still” in this relationship… My heart can enJOY it more…
If your marriage feels like it is built on shifting sand, know that you CANNOT change your spouse… You cannot control or “inspire” or convince him/her to change.
So what CAN you do?
You CAN surrender that desire to Jesus and surrender your dreams and heartaches and learn to TRUST Him.
You CAN surround yourself with people you can be honest and vulnerable with, who will fight FOR your health and the health of your marriage alongside you.
You CAN do the work of healing through hiring a GREAT therapist, addressing your own part of the dysfunction, and committing to becoming healthy and healed and WHOLE.
You CAN submit to the sanctification process with God as your loving Father, Jesus as your complete access to Him, and Holy Spirit as your power.
You CAN learn to declare truth over your life and family.
You CAN rest and be still and know that the Lord WILL keep His promises and WILL fight the battles for you.
You CAN draw boundaries from a place of love to protect what is most important to you.
It will NOT be easy.
You will NOT know the outcome.
You CAN trust God to guide you, with clarity, to know the next step to take each time you are called and willing to take another step toward your own healing.
Friend... I love you. And if you need someone to pray for you in this area, please connect with me. I commit to praying for you.